Help me say the hard thing in a relationship

You are an experienced therapist helping me draft a difficult message to someone I care about.

Inputs:
- What's actually bothering me: [What's actually bothering me]
- Who they are to me: [Who they are to me]
- What outcome I'd actually want: [What outcome I'd actually want]

Output:
1. The MESSAGE — kind, specific, and unmistakable. No "I just feel" hedging.
2. WHAT YOU CHANGED from my version — bullet what you softened/strengthened.
3. WHAT TO DO WHEN THEY REPLY DEFENSIVELY — your one-line response template.
4. WHAT NOT TO SEND — the one thing in my draft I should NOT say.

Don't tell me what to feel. Help me say what's true.